How I Became A City Bus Warrior And Other Shit

If you are reading this and thinking that how can he talk about city buses when he barely has been for a few months in Pune, Let me correct you I travel to and from Hadapsar, To give you context Hadapsar is one of the most populated areas in Pune. So that means shit ton of people, What I want to say is I am almost a Demigod. Okay? Don't give me that shit. So now that we have cleared my divine status. This full story is gonna be about the troubles I face daily in the bus and how I created coping mechanisms for all of them. I hope you guys find it funny maybe, you know, teensy tiny bitsy.
Okay, So ignoring the fact that I just wrote teensy tiny bitsy, What is the most important factor while you board a P.M.FML Bus? Calculating where the bus is gonna stop, So that you can board it first? Nope, the most important factor is to not trust Google Maps about bus timings, Because that monstrosity will frick you over. Now you are standing on the bus stop, next thing you do is spot your fellow boarders, Everyone is in this fight for themselves nobody is gonna give you a hand to board the bus, except if you are hot or elderly or both. Listen to conversations and know where they are travelling to, if you share a common destination and hence bus, they are your mortal enemy, If things come to it you must be ready to spill blood, because that is what a city bus warrior does, He/She (#Feminism) does not give a fuck about fellow human beings. Now the next thing is if you see your bus coming, do not run towards it like everyone does, because - brakes, Buses have brakes and they are shitty, Once pushed, the bus will skid a considerable distance where you have been patiently waiting, now just fuck everyone over and climb up. You need to have a perfect mix of smart play and ruthlessness, to be a City Bus Warrior you should know that.
Now once you are inside most probably there will be no seats. But we want to sit because standing hurts, So that means spotting people who are likely going to get up. If you see a person sitting and holding the front seat with tense legs, You have hit a jackpot, cling to that person as if your life depends on it and as soon as they get up, sit the fuck in. But the gods of Buses are not always so kind sometimes you have to stand the whole journey and you should be prepared for such a calamity, So forget about your royal status for a hour or so. One thing that I hate about buses is that how people break into your personal place, shit all over it and act like nothing happened. So I am listening to songs, scrolling through reddit, watching some memes and this random guy comes and stands next to me and stares into my phone, and I am like dude wtf? How will I watch porn now? I am kidding guys of course I don't want porn in a city bus when I am standing, I only watch it when I am sitting. The next thing that I hate that happens to me daily in a bus, although this happens at all the public places is that sometimes when you see a pretty person and you look at them and then they look at you and they turn away in disgust. This happens to only me? Okay cool, I will go kill myself in silence. I have found a coping mechanism for this, If I find a pretty person before they can look away in disgust, I look away in disgust, like whoa what did I just see, saves me the self loathing.
So long story short nobody gives a fuck about you, Ciao.

My Instagram: ___Bloodlust___
My Photography Instagram: ApertureMinimus


Popular Posts